Retracted for a rewrite.

.Very Nice, Amber!

Enjoyed it thoroughly. :-)

wowww awesome. loved it

Amber: An excellent piece of work in every regard. 

I liked, in particular, how you  bring together people's feelings and their psycology and intricately blend them into the narrative.

I was left wondering what connection, if any, there was between Sandup's father and Rara's grandfather. Did they work together on whatever it was that made the authorities  raid their houses? That would throw a new light, that of shared suffering and humiliation, on the relationship between the two.

Wonderful read.

Sajha Gazer

so how would you show the two children (born some years apart and hence in different time(?) and at different places) in "one" scene (scene I)?

BTW, the mention of "scenes" (or takes ) is relevant/appropriate only if/when you're writing(shooting) a play and not while narrating a story.

General Narendra who was watching his granddaughter with natural curiosity told his wife,” Hatar gariyo justo cha.”

I don't know if I understood this line correctly. Hatar gariyo for the gunyucholi ceremony? If my limited knowledge about our culture serves me right, the ceremony is held once a girl menstruates for the very first time. there ain't no hatar or delay as such. but you are a girl. you should know it better than me :P

the remaining story is flawless (some occasional grammatical and punctuational slips apart -- but then again, i should not be throwing stones when I myself live in the most fragile of homes :P)...

I liked the way you weaved the plot. very cute, engaging and 'realistic' (despite being a fiction). You are a talented writer! Keep writing!

 

Nearly missed out on this one.  A story well told, Amber.  Have always been an ardent fan of your works ever since your Thamel story a year and a half ago...And this one too was extremely captivating and well-told!  Its not an easy task to write about emotional scars left behind as a child unless experienced yourself and IMO, you did a brilliant job in explaning that for both characters. 

And the cherry-tomato lines?  Where did that come from?  HAHAHA  Some of the lines kept me amused for a bit.

Kudos for a stroy plot that seems as real as it can get.  A society where an inter-caste marraige is frowned upon would surely flip out at the holy union of these 2 unassuming individuals.   And the ending to the story is what makes me relish your works: They somehow always end up on a happy note!  That just goes to show that you DO believe in fairy-tales.  And yeah, pls do not stop writing!  Your hiatus from sajha was missed by this fan here. 

BTW, did you atttend the ANA this time around?  If so, do you think I know who you are?

 

Thanks Camo. Thanks Uptowngirl.

Thanks Sajha_gazer. Those  two occurrences in the story are disjoint. The  first part was influenced by the scandal in RA in the late 80s.The other incident is related to the common business trend in Nepal during the same time frame. However, I must confess I could not delve into details for some reason. My focus in the story was somewhere else. Btw, just to let you know this reader is still waiting for your  "The Frontier Outpost."

Thanks Lootekukur for your " cute" comments.Scenes here should be treated like a sliding window where two or more simultaneous events could be witnessed. In case you are not aware of gunyucholo is mostly done before the actual day. Punctuation and grammar have never been  my strong suit.  So, I've to say don't expect Wuthering Heights. You mustn't.

Samsara apchong, you've always been there. Thanks! No, I couldn't attend ANA this year, may be next year. And, drinks on me(my hubby) for sure.

Wow.

 

Do u write in one go? Or do u write in pieces? Who is ur favourite writer? Do u write poems as well? Did u take creative writing classes? You are great. Thank you for the story. Keep up the good work and sorry for asking too many questions.

Amber,

Very well written. Good job !!!!

Amber,
Thanks for the good read!
I am imagining the cactus bearing the fruit :)

'Someone rightly said one can be deeply in love with someone to whom he/she cannot be successfully married.'
Coincidentally, I was pondering over the lines above while reading your work. It was an opinion of a priest included in Maureen Dowd's NYT Op-Ed article. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/opinion/06dowd.html

Keep on writing!

Thanks entrepreneur and  freak_alien.
Thanks bhankunde_bhut. Exactemento! "someone rightly said that" somewhere.

Amber,

Thank you for bringing yet another mesmerizing read. To be honest, I was a bit lost at the begining when I was trying to join the dots between Sandup and Rara...but those two dots kept on coming towards eachother as the story progressed till they converged at a point finally. Nevertheless, you have crafted a beautiful plot there. You should not dwell in the hibernation for long, we want to read more narration like this.

hmm...

for a moment I was like huh!!!!!! this is something i know (O: it seemed like what I have been acquainted of!!!!

but again then i realized i did not write it he he he (O:

"amber" flow of your story is simply awesome and i could relate to this in so many different ways .. i cannot explain myself....

never been so shocked and awed by a fictional story......

few potions of interest that keep revolving in my empty head:

1. from scene VI "Every morning, he would wake up, light his Marlboro light and water the cactus." water the cactus. very interesting. lot of nostalgic effervescences.
2. from scece VII this one is simply the best "I'm coming to collect my lost soul. Pick me up at the airport. Find my itinerary attached with this mail…."  (O: simply the best insight to the taal called "RARA" or is it the "NOODLE" he he he (O:
3. scene III is where i can find a lot of connections .


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keep writing amber
(O:
 

Thanks Nepal Ko Chora. Thanks Thapap.

Amber, are you gonna repost it?