Here is one of the recent attempts:

काज क्रिया सकिएको दूर्भाग्य फर्कि रह्यो ।
न थुक्नु, न निल्नु अमृत, घाँटी सर्कि रह्यो ।

कति खेर मर्ला र सिनो खाने आशमा
जिऊँदो जाग्दो सामू बूढो गिध्द पर्खि रह्यो ।

" एकै पटक मर्छु " भनि बाँच्ने मान्छे
पटक पटक मर्ने डरले तर्सि रह्यो ।

उत्रनु र डुब्नुको दोसाँधको जहाज देखि
बेदनामा, समुन्द्री सतह झन् चर्कि रह्यो ।

सुनामीले सोतर पारेको आँगनमा
पानी तर्काऊन, जमीन फेरी थर्कि रह्यो ।

Courtesy Paradesh.com

Shirish ji;
Although, my grasp of gazals is not too great, I have often enjoyed the depth in your words. Thank you.

शिरिशजी गजल(हरु) बेजोड छ(न)।

''न थुक्नु, न निल्नु अमृत, घाँटी सर्कि रह्यो''
यो पंक्ति अतिनै मन प-यो।गजलयात्रा धुमधाम छ। अझ प्रगतिको शुभकामना।

Shirish has been kind to bestow upon me a priceless privilege of having a sneak peek of his under-construction ghazals. I am proud to say that he is emerging as a refined ghazalkar. Some of his ghazals take my breath away. I do hope he completes them and share with us here as well as in a form of a book in near future.

aap jinke karib hotey hain
wo bade khush nasib hotey hain

aap jinke karib hotey hain
wo bade khush nasib hotey hain

----music break--------

haaaah haaaaahh haaaaah..

aap jinke karib hotey hain
wo bade khush nasib hotey hain
aur baanki sab garib aur mauuut ki ghat mein khadey hotein hain !!!!

Dear all

I owe big time to sajha guys (especially Nepe) to correct me with my endevors. I thought at one time, Sajha is not the real place for ghazals as the readership is the issue. Anyway, here I am.

Thanks newuser and more are on the way. I read your chanda baddha kabita. It was great.

Sitara,

Let me take the chance to explain the above ghazal. dont mind hai.

Ghazal are nothing more than independent collection of shers (2 lines) and the standard ghazal has 5 shers (min). lets not go into the technical aspect.

The ghazal I wrote, all the shers correspond to destruction and death.

The 2nd sher was motivated from the famous, Pulitzer prize winning Picture of an african boy and the vulture waiting for him to die.

the 3rd sher is the modified version of the saying
"Braves die once but the cowards die many times"

the 4th one is my own thoughts. I imagined a boat stuggling to stay afloat. The sea sympathizing the boat and its surfaces break apart. (The sea surface never breaks apart right, but it did here). the sympathy of the sea actually proved detrimental to the struggling boat.

sher 5 is the after effects of Tsunami, the tremors. The earth is shaking to clear the water that Tsunami has brought in the aagans.

more later. Keep inspiring me. This thing actually works.

thanks.

Shirish ji:

Thank you for the translations. Beautiful how you've captured such profound sentiments in one gazal.

Shirishjee,
Wonderful piece n equally enjoyed the accompanying explanation of the each shers n how you're inspired. You guys are awesome nepe dai and yourself, I am closely watching gajal activity here and has learnt a lot. You wrote-
" I thought at one time, Sajha is not the real place for ghazals as the readership is the issue" Please don?t say so, I click every single gajal posted here. Do continue to feed us more of your imaginative manifesto. Our revered nepe dai seemed to be pausing, are you cooking something yourself?

Best regards,
Suren.
--------------------------------
Paradesh.com
Nepalisong.com
Nepalidating.com

लौ मेरो पनि एउटा सानो प्रयास स्विकार्नुस है!

एकलास जीवनमा साथ कसैको चहिन्छ नै
मात्र तिमीनै चाहिन्छ यस्तो कुनै चाह छैन।

खहरेको भेलले कतै किनारमा हुत्याईदिन्छ
तिम्रो साथ उस्ले पायो त के कुनै डाह छैन।

दुख्ने घाउ कहिले कोट्याउछु, सुम्सुम्याउछु
जलोस, दुखिरहोस मन अलिकति आह छैन्।

झरेको पात भयो जीवन हावासँगै बहिदिने
बदलिदो मौसम छ, मायामा घृणा कहाँ छैन।

२४/०१/२०६२

Surendra,

May be I will start calling you Dilip Kumar of Sajha.

Looks like you face the same problem like mine, running out of rhyming words. The nepali language does not have that many words and I think borrowing from Hindi and urdu or even English should be fine to make five shers (that a standard ghazal contains) but 4 is also appreciable.

Shirish dai ekdam man paryo...gajjab cha. the panorama u portray in your gajals are wonderful.

Oys chill

Thanks for your motivation and appreciation.

I know what is deficient in my ghazal and I am not ashamed to admit it but trying to overcome.

Ghazals, by nature are very rhythmic and METRONOMIC. This metronomic part is lacking sometime seriously.

i like surendras' gazal, ekdam marmik. sounded like my own story :P lol.

Dear Shirish,

A wee note to say just how much I enjoyed reading your ghazal.

The beuaty of your ghazal perhaps lies with the shers' power to aptly display an all too precarious world where dream provides much solace to one's shattered and wounded soul. A world where reality is a much greater force to bear; death seems to be near yet its 'rehearsal' if you like is most painful - the constant cliff-hanger of what or when it will happen. The boat (not yet sunk), the ageing vulture who has yet to claim his share of the much-awaited sino and the Tsunami are all very powerful metaphors to evoke a strong sense of death - the recurring theme throughout - in its barest form.

I admire the poetic anatomy of the ghazal, especially that of the closing sher - the words and the simplicity in their both arragment and meaning, and I think that is where your true craftmanship as a poet or a writer shines. Mind you, I have a very little command of poetry or the ghazals for that matter. I thought, I wouldn't mind woffling for a bit because I had - your words caught my untrained eyes.

So more please.

PS: I am a first timer to this bulletin board, thouh I have been a regular Sajha browser. It's an excellent site.

Hey Lahure

You guys are putting too much pressure on this novice, "sikaru".

With your writing, I can feel you are not an ordinary guy.

To be honest I like your flattery.

ल ल गजब राम्रो छ।

तर शिरिष जी यो "सुनामी" हैन के, त्यो गोरेहरुको जिब्रो नफुटेर त्यसो भन्या मात्र हुन्, खास "त्सुनामी" नत्र "चुनामी" भने नि हुन्छ।

अनि साँच्चिकै खुंकार गजलकार, रे क्या!

shirish,

Flattery? Come on - put aside your himility for argument's sake and admit, the ghazal is a good one.

Tesaile arko euta jaawo feri.

Pratikshamaa,

Uhi Lahure

here is another one:

"मृत्युलाई छल्न कात्रो ओढी सुत्छन् एक्लै बाच्नेहरु"

वाह, क्या बात, शिरिष जी, म आफैलाई गजल बनाए जस्तो पो लाग्यो

न त छ क्यै सहारा, न पाउछन् क्यै सहानुभुति
निमेष निमेष मै गजलका पात्र हुन्छन् एक्लै बाँच्नेहरु

यात्रा सारै कठिन भो मरुद्यान चिन्न नसकि,
दिनै रातै आँशुले मुख धुन्छन् एक्लै बाच्नेहरु

अरुको हेर्छन्, पढ्छन्, सोच्छन् तर धेरै बुझ्दैनन्
राम्रो लेख्न नसकेर सधै रुन्छन् एक्लै बाच्नेहरु

:)

-भउते

शिरीष,

बिचका केही शेरहरुमा 'काफिया' मिलेको छैन (त्यो तपाईलाई पक्कै थाहा छ), त्यो बाहेक मैले माथि नै भनिसक्या छु, बेजोड गजल ।

भावहरु यति समृद्ध छन् कि यसलाई अंग्रेजीमा अनुवाद गर्दा पनि not much will be lost, making your recent found definition of poetry (Poetry is what is lost in translation) not true in every case.

भउते भाई,

तपाईले शिरिषको पहिलो शेर ('मतला' भनिन्छ यसलाई) को अन्त्यानुप्रास ('काफिया') लाई टपक्क टिप्नु भो । गजल विधासंग तपाईको पिरती बसोस्, यही प्रार्थना छ मेरो ।