Here is an interesting question to all sajhaites! You are here, your parent is there but you have a family here but your parent still expects a lot from you in terms of financials because you are in U.S of A for christ's sake and they sponsored your initial arrival here.
How do you handle this?

We think of expecting nothing from our kids at all over here. Is this culture shock to parents if we say so?

How have you been handling this?
Revival

Revival jee le nikkai ramro kuraa uthaaunu bhayo. Yo problem ta, tapaiko matra hoina ki, mero pani ho. Looks like, sabai janaako tehi problem hunchha.

Parents are ok. When it comes to your distant relatives, it gets difficult. It really breaks their hearts that a US settled person cannot present each and everyone of them with the latest cellular phone... Expectations can be weird.

I understand what you are saying newlynew but I am not talking about just the gifts that you take with you when you visit back home...that is no big deal and is totally up to you how you want to handle that. I am talking more like certain amount you are expected to send back home to your parents periodically since you are earning here now. They see or hear that you are making so much per year, falana ko chora is in same country as you and is only earning this much per year but send this huge amount every 2-3 months..he can do it why can't you like of deal..!!! They only see the income not any expenses..

Naake jee, I am sure it is not only the issue of me or u. I am pretty sure that us coming all from same culture and back ground, this issue is very important and sensitive. I would really like to know how each of us are handling this.

Revival.

What I do not understand is why parents expect money from their kids? If parents back home are poor and need financial support, then it becomes the responsibility of the kids to help them out. But if they are financially stable, I do not understand their urge for more money.

What people seem to do in Nepal is look at what’s happening to others, which may be a pure speculation, and expect the same to happen to them. They are more worried about what others say or do than what they really feel like doing.
This is a dangerous path to tread on in life. It will only lead to unhappiness as you do not enjoy what you have and always seek to outdo someone else; and we know there will always be some one better than you in something and you cannot grab your hand on everything that is the best.

hurray.. I am with you 100% on this. Good explanation...How do you handle this though? What is a good way to let them know of this situation without hurting their feelings? It is generally the norm there to look at some one else and try to get 'more' even if you are not really sure what you do with that extra 'more'.
You are 100% right that it only leads to unhappiness as you will never feel content with what you already have and only seek to get more. My general philosophy in life is not to tread on that very path that is the root of unhappiness but things like this tend to add so much turmoil and a good solution seems far away.

Revival

It's a difficult question, indeed, and there is no easy answer. Like many, I too am in similar predicament. On one hand, there is this filial duty that I am obligated to fulfill. For had it not been for my parents, I would not be where I am today. They keep telling me, that children are all they have for old age, call it social secuirty or retirement plan. Hence, this high expectation in all colors - certain amount of money to be sent home regularly, additional money to be wired now and then for such incidentals such as home improvement or puja or what have you, further money to bear gifts that can be ostensibly compared with parents of Ram and Hari who are also in Amrika, and so on and so forth.

And now it is the Maoists who have come knocking at our parents' doors. Timro chora chori ta Amrika ma cha, khoi hamilai paisa deu - bhanera demand aaucha re.

At some point this becomes unbearable, but one is hard pressed to confront this issue. For, we as individuals also have responsibility towards our family here, our kids, and the expenses thereof. For, people back home don't understand the expenses incurred here. For, people back home think money grows in trees. The dark side of American Dream.

They are your parents for Christ sake, just do whatever / however / whenever you can do for them. If you can't then just talk to them and explain your situation of why you can't do what the neighbours kids are doing and they will understand it perfectly. No one will understand you better than your parents.

Yaha weekend ma club ma gayer 5$ per beer ko 6 bottle beer khayera fittan huna problem hudaina, nepal bata bau le "e chora euta blood pressure napne machine pathaide na" bhanyo bhane keta haru lai tyo 20$ nikalna Tension huncha.... chahine kura garnu parcha ni!!!

KG4MVP you are so out of sync here. No one's talking about petty amounts of 10-20 bucks here and there. I am talking more like couple hundred or even up to thousands you are expected to send them say every 2-3 months...

And when I am talking here in public forum about this sensitive issue, how'd you expect me to not understand the logic behind spending money in bar vs helping out parents with B.P machine! This is so totally out of logical argument here.

Revival

Yo KG4MVP (King Gyanendra for Most Valuable Person) bhanne manchey aafai mandaley kukkur, ke ramro bhukthyo ta?

Revival, and you totally missed the first paragraph of my posting. Talk Talk Talk ..... Communicate with your parents .....

KG4MVP = K. Garnett for most valuable player (that was the original intention of the user id)

I am assuming that the parents in question are not poor and do not need constant financial help, right Revival? If they are indeed poor, then yes it becomes your responsiblity or just love, to help them out as we know there is no structured social security program in Nepal. If not, then the best thing to do would be to ask why they constantly need so much money. Really, just ask them. Like KG4MVP said, "No one will understand you better than your parents." Find out their reasons. If they just want to save it, then you can explain them that it is safer in the banks here.

I do not think that this is a difficult situation. But it depends upon how you handle it. I can understand the pressure from the spouse who would definitley want an answer to why the money is going to Nepal every month, or the expenses here in US, or the salary not being like that of so and so's son or daughter.

KG4MVP
Again, the reason I ignored your first paragraph is because, even KG4MPV knows that :-). Kidding ;-) I meant every one knows that..you tell them you have other obligations..first thing they are gonna think..."YOU ARE LYING". How can't you afford because you are in U.S. Of A? I am not asking what you'd do. I am asking if you are already in similar situation and if so how you are handling that . Re-read my thread's title:
It is ...HOW DO YOU HANDLE? It is not HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE?

Got it?
Revival

Ok, if KG4MVP stands for Kevin Garnett for Most Valuable Player then I apologize. That, by itself, puts everything in different light.

Be honest with your parents. I mean as a student, it is just not possible for any one to send lots of money back home. But then if you are working and have a good job then it is your obligation to send money and help your parents.

Yah: this is indeed a very difficult sitution that haunts almost every middle class kid.

"No one will understand you more than your parents" - I disagree with this one... Unless your parents have seen how money is made and spent in US, they will not understand you. Pretty much guaranteed.

How do you handle this. I think you should just tell them that it is not possible to commit a fixed amount periodically but also what and how you will be able to help. Educate them about your expenses in the US, eg. mortgage, insurance etc. etc. etc.

Finally, to Sheetalb's comments.. You cannot make that comparison. The commitments get tougher once you have a job. When you are a student, you worry about your tuition, food/rent but when you work, there are million other things you have to worry about. First, you have to have enough in the bank just in case you get laid off.... I don't believe "Lay off" exists in Nepali dictionary so it is not easy for them to understand why you need such thick cushion if you lose your job.

Revival,
I do not think KG's logic is out of context as well. If we do not spend extra money in here, we would not even have to talk about this issue in here. Just look at this picture like this:
$5 per day for cigarettes = $150 per month.
$30 per day for alcohol (Like KG suggested) = $120 per month.

It is almost $300 per month, and $3600 per year. Even if we send 3/5 thousand per year, that really helps parents a lot.

This still doesn't answer your question "How do you all handle this?" though.

When parents' demand is for genuine reason of गास, बास र कपास, then it really bogs you everytime. You cannot sleep without having a thought about it everyday.