1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Do each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

-NY Times.

another question
do u like missionary or doggy style

LOL ..

i thought marriages are an escape to questionnaires !!! DAMN F*KIN' QUESTIONS .. never leave you! :P And seriously i tell you .. it wouldnt work if you listen to your mind too often with weird questions like that. You gotta listen to your heart , i suppose... not a maven on relationships however! :P

WTF

hyaaaaaaaaaaaa................

lol sounds like an interview..well honey you're hired.

Dumb questions.

Too much analysis.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say I think it might not be such a bad idea to ask these questions (but with a few caveats). Think about it this way: these types of questions are going to come up anyway in the course of a relationship and it's your choice whether you want to deal with them now or later.

That said, what you do when you get the answers to these questions is the real question. For example, I wonder how one should process the answer to this question " 10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends? ". What if the answer is no? Are you willing to overlook this? If you are, aren't you then putting an unfair burden on the other person to retreat from his/her friends? Is it healthy for the relationship if you end up separating your partner from their friends?

I guess the writer assumes the people asking these questions are mature enough to handle differences and devise a way of dealing with them. If they are not, there can be quite a funny side to it. For example what if the answer to some questions is yes and others is no? Do you then assign a weight to each questions and get a weighted average to determine compatibility ...he he he

But a nice read regardless.

Also, here is the link that Tisa did not post: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?em&ex=1166677200&en=9cbe5538cb1d2c45&ei=5087%0A

(in case you are interested in the talk back)

Have a good day all!

Captain there are 177 comments as of this time. read very few of 'em .. and was quite interesting nevertheless ..

i would like to point one thing. Let not these questions be "fired" when you're all SET for marriage. Better, it be asked ( on a serious note or a joke ) to your partner while on dates .. such that you could very well know if SHE/HE's the one you were looking for.. AND ABIDE BY YOUR RULES! :P ..

i doubt, trying to GET a "YES" on every of your questions would take a lotsa effort since you're most likely NOT to find a perfect match. The weighted average seems a better idea , but then every person doesnt like statistical workouts.. lol .. i now believe thats why marriages are called compromises ..

BUT BUT .. having said that , i aint settling down for the sake of marriage.. i will try to find the nearest match .. until , lets say the "age factor" sets me back to compromise again! Relationships has always been a fascinating topic to me .. no doubts!

hehe captain,
you are always up with some kind of analysis of your own, aren't u? hehe and let me tell u, i am in accord with u here... like minded huh? :P

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

easy as it may sound like; when there is love, understanding, trust blah blah; all other issues become trivial. well it may NOT always be the case. a rift is a rift and a relationship can well fade in the long run if certain questions are not answered to the level of honesty that each partner would ideally hope their other halves to be in. however, i agree with the notion that sometimes too much of thinking and thought process may well prove fatal in the process of nurturing and grooming a happy relationship.

LooTe

Bull shi.... to much of selfishness. Does meaning of marriage is taking a flip?
If someone has these sort of guidelines, better off without marraige.

One more question to add.
16) Can we accept that you/me can have sex with following people on the list?

17) Who is going to cook? Who is goin to do the dishes?
18) Who is going to change the diapers?
19) Who is going to decide which channel to watch? or which movies?
20) Who is going to decide what to shop and how much to spend?

After reading the comments posted here ,I realized that I should have also posted a disclosure.
-This does not apply to arranged marriages.
-This applies only to couples who are equal in paychecks,educational background and professional career.
-This also applies to couples living together or plan to live together before getting married which is normal here in USA.
-And last, but not the least, A GOOD COMMUNICATION IS BEST REMEDY FOR GREAT MARRIAGES so better do it now than later infront of the lawyer,judge and kids.

P.S -Captain, I wrote I took this article from NY Times.

Tisa -Morning! It might appear frivolous to some folks, but I feel posting the link helps because you give the reader easier access to the source and allow them to check out any related information. That's why I took the liberty of posting the link - hope you didn't mind :)

Btw, thanks for posting such interesting stuff. On another note, I was hoping you would have responded to the comments you got on your post about how Nepal and Pakistan fared on the issue of women empowerment. I was really curious to hear your views on the subject and also on some of the points raised in the discussion on that thread.

Have a good day!

i think anybody would ask these questions before marriage. but there are varieties of ways of asking them. as long as "I" keeps on coming instead of "WE" in the relationship to me it's a fragile relationship.

Jai hos!

As marriage binds two people, it also brings relationships that you didn’t ask for. Communication and understanding are two obvious methods of resolving relationship problems, but the problem can become a mountain out of a molehill if one doesn’t know how to communicate or if he/she doesn’t have capacity to understand (because of personality disorders).

I think, generally, a man has to act as a middle-person between his wife and his parents (or friends), and vice versa, because he is the one who understands both the parties. It is a BIG mistake to expect someone who doesn’t know your friends and family to understand and accept your family from heart.

Wow..nicely said sajhauser.

I think, generally, a man has to act as a middle-person between his wife and his parents (or friends), and vice versa, because he is the one who understands both the parties. It is a BIG mistake to expect someone who doesn’t know your friends and family to understand and accept your family from heart.

Aap ki baat sar aakho par!!

:-)

I totally agree with you Sajhauser..it's the man who needs to balance and respect both relationship...That's the key...If a man doesn't respect his parents, he cannot expect the wife to respect them and vice versa..

I also agree but with one caveat: putting too much pressure on any one person, whether it me the man or the women, to make any of these aspects work, can exonerate the other one of their responsibilities.One person feels the extra-burden, and then turns 40 and realizes this is not the life they wanted. By that time, they prolly dont care of the consequences of doing anything and then walk out on the relationship and the whole marriage is ruined.

Marriage is a balancing act - don't expect the other one to do things you are not willing to do yourself. And I mean this across the board not just on any of the points raised above. Eg if you dont like taking the trash out, don't expect the other person does or should. Likewise, if you don't like the other person's friends or family, don't expect them to like yours.

Good afternoon tisa jyu ,
getting back to your statement especially last ones. i would have to say that i disagree with:

1. may be all 15 or et al does not apply in arranged marriages. but i can see 1, 3, 4 ,6 , 8 , 11, 13 and 14 being very much relevant.

2. arranged marriages now is not like before @ least from what i have seen. its been totally left upto guys and gals involved to decide on it. so all of those mentioned above in 1 comes in play. and now its notl like before as well that girls are staying home et al. . so obviously they have to think about who is going to stay home if they are having kids @ all. and all that things

3. marriages are rarely in equals. common. you tend to say if you have a phD then you have to find a PhD for your mate. and if you make 6 figures you need your partner to be the same .. common if you start thinking in that fashion then its not MARRIAGE that i know or seen. its more like a business relationships.

4. you do not have to live together. but these questions are contemporary.

i will add couple more:
a. some females do not want to have kids
b. they are against breast feeding
c. they want to work. carrear is more important.

so, husband has to chip in may be he would like to be the stay home dad (O:
just my thought