Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. 
  
His doctor says,  "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."     
  
Paddy asks,  "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"                                                           
  
  The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.   
  
If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

TGIF  Folks

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. 
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." 
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. 
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. 
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." 
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

There was this kid that always got picked on at school. Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him f**k you. Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means. One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. He yelled "pah" and then his pa came out and asked what the hell you want boy? The boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. And then his pah said son I think its time you knew what f**k means. Pah then yelled out "mah" get down here, son wants to know what f**k means. Mah comes down stairs, pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position. He turns to his son and says, son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh" watch your pah go to work. Then the boy’s sister came in the door and says what are they doin? The boy turns his head and with a smile he says they are [Disallowed String for - banned word]ing. Sister says what does f**k mean.

WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH "uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK

>>Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad sighs and
> >>replies,
> >>"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
> >>Well, you
> >>see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then
> >>I set up
> >>a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a  cyber-cafe. We
> >>sneaked into
> >>a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my
> >>hard drive.
> >>As soon  as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one
> >>of us had
> >>used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. Six
> >>weeks
> >>later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating
> >>system
> >>was showing signs of unauthorized program activity
>from a self
> >>extracting
> >>file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later
> >>a little
> >>Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!""
> >>
> >>
> >>

Nice one

@ grg dai: wide screen ta k, even an lcd wasn't any better!

This couple were in bed getting busy when the
girl places the guys hand onto her puzzy. "Put your finger in
me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she
starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in
goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she
says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like,
"Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning
aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy
puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..."
commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks
at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight puzzy!"

enjoy

This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.
"Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar.
"It figures," she says as she storms inside. 
The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal.... and then ...I come in here ...and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!"
"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "You don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"

A husband and wife are in the shower together. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. The husband asks, "Babe can you get that please?" the wife replies "Sure". The wife puts on a robe and goes downstairs to open the door. At the door its Bill the husbands bestfriend. "Hi is your husband in?" asks Bill. "He is unavailable at the moment" replies the wife. "Ah ok" says Bill. As Bill is about to leave he turns back to the wife and says "I have £400 in my pocket, if you flash me your ti*s you can have it" the wife feels offended but then realizes she needs that money, so she goes ahead and flashes and takes the £400. As Bill is about to leave he turns round and says "I have another £400 in my pocket, if you let me feel your ti*s" the wife again feels offended but remembers that she could do with all the extra money and lets him feel her ti*s. Bill gives her the money and leaves. The wife walks up the stairs feeling very guilty but tries to forget it all. 

When she gets back into the shower her husband asks "Who was that?" The wife replies "Oh it was just Bill." The husband replies "That bastard owes me £800!"

This Thread is really Awesome.. Thankz to the Creator.. 

   Two pathans Gul Mohammed and Yar Mohammed were
> >great friends. One of them used to live in Karachi and
> >the other lived in Peshawar. Both missed each other a
> >lot. They decided to buy mobiles. As they went through
> >the tariff they found that it was very costly. Both of
> >them were very miserly so they decided to keep the
> >mobiles as a status symbol, but were loathe to use it.
> >They decided to use pigeons as messengers.
> >      Gul sent a message to Yar:"How are you?"
> >      Yar replied " I am fine."
> >      Gul to Yar: "How are the children?"
> >      Yar to Gul: " They are fine?"
> >
> >      So on and so forth, they kept
>exchanging the
> >messages.
> >      Then Yar semt a pigeon to Gul with a blank paper
> >without a message.
> >      Gul was puzzled. He sent a message to Yar
> >      "Yar! kabootar aaya, parcha bhi aaya, par na aage
> >kuchh, na pichhe kuchh"
> >      Yar replied, " I gave a missed call."
> >                   xxxxxxxxxx
> >

A wife got curious one day and asked her husband, "Honey, how many girls have you slept with?" Husband replies, Sweetie, You're the only girl i have ever slept with in my whole lie, with all of the other girls i was awake,".... ;-)

 

nice one boulevard dreams , and here is what i have for today

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. 
"We credit this to one of our parents, sir," the older one replied. 
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother." 
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

I Love this page. here I go.
----------------------------------------

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.  'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'  'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'  'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'  So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.  Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.  Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.  'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'  Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'  'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'  Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'  'Nope...just when it's raining..'

 

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.  'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'  'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'  'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'  So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.  Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.  Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.  'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'  Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'  'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'  Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'  'Nope...just when it's raining..'

 

One day, King decided to give prize to a best loyal bodyguard soldier from his 3 loyal bodyguard soldiers. He asked his gorgeous wife (queen) to take off her all clothes and put a small blade in her pu**y. Then king left queen alone in the room and asked his 1st body guard to enter queen's room. 1st bodyguard went inside and came back after few seconds. When bodyguard came back, king check his d**k and found wound. Then king said, f**k ....o*f, you're not my loyal guard. Then king asked to 2nd bodyguard to enter the room and again when 2nd bodyguard came back king found wound in 2nd bodyguard's d**k. Again said you're also not loyal..... It's turn to the 3rd bodyguard and king asked him to enter the queen's room. 3rd bodyguard went inside and came back. King check his d**k and didn't find any wound. Then king said you're my best loyal soldier and arranged for prize distribution. During the prize distribution, king asked that best loyal bodyguard to give small speech. The bodyguard stood up to give speech but he wasn't able to speak properly. The king asked his other bodyguards, what happened to my best loyal bodyguard? why he is not speaking properly? The bodyguards went and checked with best loyal bodyguard and came back to king and answered, King your best loyal bodyguard got wound in his tongue!!! 

nice one ktmu and chhimobu , here is what i have for today

There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years. One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life." 
So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars. He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed. He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female.

"What are you doing?" the old man screamed. 

The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!"

Hahaha, good one dhwase,

Here's mine for today, Today i have a poem that i'm going to read,

The title of my Poem is "My First Time"

The sky was dark, the moon was high, all alone just she and i,

Her hair so soft, her eyes so blue, i knew exactly what she wanted to do,

Her skin's so smooth, her leg's are so fine, i ran my fingers down her spine,

I didnt know how but i tried my best, i started by placing my hand on her breast,

I remember my fear, my fast beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart,

And when she did, i felt no shame, all at once the white stuff came,

Atlast its all finished now....

That was "My Very First Time" milking a Cow....

haha , good one boulevard dreams,  here is one from my side

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."