I found this article at Sajha Guild which is relevant to this discussion.
Is it really the problem of generation gap?
As the earth has been revolving in a constant rate for ages, many things on its periphery are also gradually changing. And one of the things, that is constantly altering is the way we think. In our parent’s time, they used to meet their life-partner first time straight on the marriage spot. Few lucky ones used to get a glance of their will-be in pictures before hand. This might sound like fairy tale to many; especially to those who are polished with the sense of western independence and have spent major part of their lives in Europe or North America. That is the reality but the scenario is gradually changing. At least, we don’t need to wait till the wedding date to get a glance of future life partner today. Furthermore, there are numerous examples where parents only know about the marriage of their offspring after the marriage itself. But this transition has not been silky. There still exist few hurdles in the current practice where these two opposite ends of the philosophy merge together. Majority of guardians regardless of their location (east or west part of the world) are still influenced by the old practice and the young ones advocate independence and freedom to take their own decision which creates tension in the family. Please note that I am not advocating the teenage infatuation or stubbornness here. I am representing the views of independent, mature and responsible age group.
Marriage is certainly not a kid’s game but a major decision in life of choosing someone to spend the rest of the life with. Selecting a life-partner to spend whole life has become a hard drive on icy roads these days as we often come across a predicament whether to go for parent’s choice or your own. Few lucky ones, who haven’t picked the one to spend the life with or have decided they will go with parent’s choice or determined to go for their own choice, might not trip on this dilemma. In our Nepalese context, it’s hard to go against parent’s will as we are brought up in the environment where we are taught to be respectful to the elders, maintain cordial atmosphere in family and be disciplined. In one hand, most of the parents want their son/daughter get married with someone they pick. But in another hand, the young generation wants to get married with someone they have known for sometime. Boys do have a bit of freedom in this matter and they can at least convince their families if the girl is from similar social background; whereas girls are major victims of this traditional ill-practice. They are not even endowed with any opportunity to choose someone for themselves. And, even if she manages to find a guy for herself with similar social background, she is destined to sacrifice her feeling with the fear of crossing the family barrier and her role as a loyal daughter to her parents. The major point of the conflict is whether a boy/girl has the right to pick his/her life-partner or not. Isn’t there any middle way out of this clash?
The prime factor which generates this conflict of interest is racial or caste system. I guess our generation really doesn’t care about whether his/her beloved is from same race/caste or not. Many are dealing with an impasse where the parents only accept the new member of the family from same race/cast; but they might end up with inter-caste affairs. Let me present few examples here. There is one friend of mine who fell in love with a girl from another caste and they are living together in America. My friend talked with his family about the girl and his family just got freaked out. Now this young couple is in the verge of break-up because my dear friend is reluctant to go against the will of the parents. And, there is another similar story. A girl fell in love with a friend of mine who is studying in Canada. He likes the girl, who goes to the same university as him, very much as she is smart, beautiful, educated or full of qualities a guy seeks in a wife. But the main problem is that they belong to different caste and their families have become a big obstacle between them. For many, the caste/race system has become a daunting challenge between the heart and the parents. Many parents are open enough to accept the new member in the family regardless of the race/caste these days which is really a good beginning. But it still can be a highly debatable issue between old and new generation in most of the Nepali family at the present context but I hope this problem will slowly fade away along with the time and emergence of new generations.
The race/caste system is not the only root of the conflict. There also exists a misconception among Nepali parents that young generation is not mature enough to take their own decision. Kids always remain kids for them. Whoever kids choose even if they are competent and from the same social background (race/caste), the parents are overwhelmed with the conservative reflection that the kids always come up with wrong choices. It’s not that parents are really enemies of the kids but they always possess a superiority complex that they have torn more clothes than kids.
So, what’s the way out from this disagreement between old and new generation? Although they say that love is blind and it doesn’t really care about any bars, we can’t be really blind picking life-partners for ourselves. We, at least, need to open one eye to look towards family’s perspectives. The young generation need to be selective so that family won’t be able create any traditional barriers like race or caste. We need to look before we leap. Someone may stamp me as racist because of my opinion but being pragmatic; I am advocating this doctrine especially for those whose family is strict enough to break the relation with the kids rather than accepting a new member from different race/caste. I guess that will be a good way out where you can still kill the snake but you won’t break your stick either. Few still dare to jump on the fire and might end up with extinguishing the fire as the time passes. And, parents also need to confirm with kids whether they have picked someone to spend the life with beforehand rather than just imposing their decision on kids. Children always do not come up with wrong choices. If both parent and kid give due respect to each other’s perspective, we may end up with better solution of this conundrum than ever lasting family dispute.
