One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

Kissing's a pleasure

Sucking's a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

He says he loves you, and you believe it's true

Until your belly starts to swell and he says hell with you.

10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months and pain

3 days in hospital, a child without a name

The baby's a bastard

The mother's a whore

This never would have happened if the rubber hadn't tore

A Love Story

I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and control you.

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

A man was sleeping on his deathbed. The man woke up to see his wife silently praying beside him.

He said, " Martha, I have something to confess to you."

She said, "No dear, save your energy."

He said, "I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven, I cheated on you."

She said, " I know, I poisoned you."

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you." -*-*-*-*-*-*

_______________________________****************_________________________________

A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.

The Mexican drops a pear on his country.

When the American asks why he says he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the US and the American drops an apple.

When the Pollock asks why he says because he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the Pollock's country and the Pollock drops a bomb.

When the American and the Mexican ask why he says because he hates his country.

A while later the Mexican is walking the streets and he sees a boy who is crying.

He asks why and the boy says because a pear fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.

The American is walking the streets and he sees a little girl crying.

When he asks her why she says because an apple fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.

The Pollock is walking the streets and he comes to a man that is laughing.

When he asks him why the man says, "Because I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

____________________________________************************___________________________

three friends went to a hotel.the bill was Rs 75/-

each one contributed Rs.25/-.

the waiter took the bill to the cashier.

the cashier was happy & decided to give them a discount of Rs.5/- & said the waiter to return them Rs.5/-.

but he was confused how to distribute Rs 5 among 3 persons.

he kept Rs 2 in his pocket & gave one rupee to each one of the 3 persons.

so 1st each one contributed 25 Rs now as they are given 1 rupee back their contibution reduces to Rs 24.

they all contributed rs 24 that is 24x3=72 & 2 rupees are in the waiters pocket.

the total becomes 74 but they paid rs 75.

where is the remaining 1 rupee?.

______________________________**********************____________________________

Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They are there for those who don t drink.

Bruce Lees Slam Book

1. Favorite vegetable * Mu Lee

2. Favourite Lunch * Tha Lee

3. What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over? * Kha Lee

4. Bruce Lees sister-in-laws name? * Saa Lee

5. Favorite Breakfast * Id Lee

6. Favourite festival * Diwa Lee

7. Favorite Actress * Sona Lee

8. Favorite Music * Qawa Lee

9. Most interesting job? * Coo Lee

10. When did Bruce Lee die? * Fina Lee

11. How did Bruce Lee die? * With a Go Lee

12. Favorite hill station * Kulu Mana Lee

13. Nick name? * Mawa Lee

14. Favorite Hindi movie? * Gharwa Lee Baharwa Lee

15. Favourite cricketer? * Saurav Gangu Lee

16. Favourite Pet * Bil Lee

17. Favourite Passtime * Khuj Lee

18. Bathing Place * Na Lee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*********************

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…).

As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks.

Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock.

Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

“Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?”

Yamraj answered, “That’s Gautam Buddha’s.

The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.”

“And whose clock is that?” “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock.

The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife.”

Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?” “

Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj,

“I’m using it as ceiling fan".

 

 

3 people in hell. god asks them last wish. american says i want to talk to my country.

he goes and talks to his country for 1 minute. comes back and pays 1000 dollars.

then a pakistani is like" i want to talk to my country too".

so he talks to his country for 1 minute and pays 1000 rupees.

then the indian says, i also want to talk to my country.

he goes and talks for hours and hours.

when he comes back, he pays 1 rupee.

the american and pakistani r outraged.

they ask god whay they paid 1000 of their currency why indian paid 1 of his currency.

god says, "from hell to hell, its a local call".
.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.

Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million dollars.

"I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was an Indian politician (Laloo Yadav).

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

Laloo replied, $1 million is for you, Ill keep $1million, and well give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."

Couple of them at the beginning were very good.

awesome job vato.. keep doin ur good work.. mi mucho gusto!!

awesome jokes man looking forward to read more jokes from you.
Thx for sharin wid us.....

Amigo me no habla espaneoul. anyways mucho garcias.

And thanks to everybody for reading it and saying good.

aye hoy!! tu tambien hablo espanol cabron?? tas bein intellihente!!

no mucho.................pokito pokito.