http://sajha.com/sajha/html/openthread.cfm?threadid=82737

 

भाग १ र २ को अभुतपुर्ब सफलताको लागि सम्पूर्ण साझाबासी हरुलाई धन्याबाद ज्ञापन गर्दै अर्को भाग प्रस्तुत गर्दै छु !

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door,and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"

She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it." He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

One day while Hum Jayega was driving his taxi from Darjeeling to Kalebung, Little Tony boarded it, and started talking. He said: "If my dad was a elephant and my mom was a female elephant, I would have been a baby elephant". Being unable to draw Hum Jayega's attention, Little Tony again said: "If my dad was a horse and my mother a female horse, I would have been a baby horse". The kid went on blurting when annoyed Hum Jayega asked: "What would you have been if your father was a drunkard and your mother a prostitute?" The kid replied: "A cab driver!"

(This one copied from somewhere in the Internet is not so funny, sorry, but Hum Jayega was really popular once upon a time.)

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for 
awhile, 
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" 
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that 
joke, 
sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know 4 things: 
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? 

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his surprise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit.

He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting, you should see him make donuts."

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot, missed and said, "F**k, I missed."

Surprised, the priest replied, "Dont use that kind of language or god will punish you."

The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fu**ing missed again."

The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please dont use that language or god will punish you."

The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldnt help mutter, "Oh f**k"

The priest said, "That's it, god will certainly punish you."

Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.

In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed".

A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."

 "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass."

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"

"So what's your hurry," said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."

One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names?

The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees.. around " .

The boy was thinking on what his father said when his friend popped up and said  , "hey , 'Two Dogs F**king', wanna go and play ? "

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard.  She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets aquatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other replies, "Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole."

Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel. Flings his shlong out and starts [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing the barrel. Its simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!

After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. "That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!"

To which the other crew member replies, "Yeah, you can every day except Thursday." Confused, the new guy asks why, to which the other guy replies, "Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday."

 An old lady in a mental hospital is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"

A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to go for hours and hours." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. 

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious. " The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!!" 

A Texan went to
Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall
Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered,
"Yes ma'am, ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit."

Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where he would like to start?"

"Well ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Size 53 ...
tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them
big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some
shoes."
"What size?"
"Size 15 ... double D."
"Wow, that's really
big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's
next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes sir, what
size?"
"Nineteen and a half ... 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really
big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually
glowed as she asked, "Whew ... is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No
ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
Well she tallied up his bill while the
Texan was counting out his money. She asked, "Sir could I ask you a
question?"
"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is and the answer is four
inches."
She is astonished and blurts out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than
that!"
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "Across ma'am?"

There was a shoe sales man sitting in his store when a beautiful woman comes in. He looks at her and can't stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn't wearing any panties. He started thinking and something slipped out.

The man said "I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!"

Hearing this the woman runs out to tell her husband. She says, "Honey, this shoe salesman said he'd like to fill my pussy up with ice cream and lick it all out! Now go kick his ass!".

The husband replied "Dear, anyone who can dare to lick at least 2 buckets of ice cream, I ain't messing with!"

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

 In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

A professor at the University of Texas was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Joe raises! his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Joe, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Joe replied, "Heck! From way back there I thought you said "Goats!"

Happy New Year to All the Sajhaites !!

and just to let u guys know,  from now on the jokes would be posted on the link "JOKE GALORE" , and I really appreciate SAN  for creating that thread. , as the sajhaites would have more varieties of humor on that thread  and can go for what they like the most.  

During intercourse Santa suddenly stops and remains motionless.
Girl :: what the hell r u doing?
Santa :: I've seen this on a porn site .... Its called buffering .....