http://dr-joe.com/lyrics/cat.htm

:)

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

_______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their

40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
__________________________________

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.

His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this.

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up!

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"
___________________________________

Church Signs

1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!

2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.

3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!

4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.

5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!

7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!

8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.

9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns
_________________________________________________________

15 Things to do at a super-market while your wife/girlfriend is taking her sweet time:


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms &randomly put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,Code 3
in Housewares...and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: Why
can't you people just leave me alone?

9.. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible"

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK
ME! PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"



AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "Hey! You're out of toilet paper in here!!"

Check out the fact http://wiredblogs.tripod.com/sterling/index.blog?entry_id=1247052

I bet lotta ppl do know about little Maxio--> the youngest rapper in da world!!
http://www.goyk.com/video.asp?path=398

: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WRONG! SUCH MEN DO EXIST!!! DUHHH....right fugsir? :D :D

कहाँ म्याटिस र फगसरको दोहोरि चलिरा'बेलाँ नयाँ पुन्टे तेहोरी खेल्न आ'छ!!!!:P
दोहोरि नै चल्न दिम न हो!!!..:)

aay Matrix ra Fugsir, maaf pau hai maaf pau. Dohari khelekho tahah nai paina!!joke ma joke hanau bhanekho ta, dohori po chalekho raicha:P:P khela keta keti ho dohari, mo chai audience kho sukul ma basera herchu!!

Pan Ko Paat bata suru gara hai!!:P:P

~peace~

http://media.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2461/flyin_egg_fight.swf


http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/5367/mjs_fave_things01.swf(Michael is singing again he he)

http://www.grab.com/fun/toons/f/50574(country mouse song)

A young couple were in their honeymoon suite
on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed,
the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his
pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size
of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband.
"I'm the man in this family."

With that, she flipped him her panties and said,
"Try these on." He tried them on and found he could
only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."

She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's
going to be until your damn attitude changes!"

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.
If you are dyslexic, press 696969696969.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. There are 200 calls ahead of you.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

zzzzzz

he he

hehe...

Ha ha ha ..I like that one. thanks

he he

crack addict he he

instead of laughing dat made me puke. :(
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/ice_cream.htm :d

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Baicarumba...are those real?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Military work rules
1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work.

2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

8. The senior officer is Always Right.

9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.

can't wait when it comes to military. Abd dohori, tehori jammai khelum:D

Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying.

"This here's a big mule!"

"This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."

"Mule!"

"Donkey!"

Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. "What are you boys doing?"

"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."

"Donkey, dammit!"

The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass."

An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"

"No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."

Few more military rules to add in Matrix's list.

Rules of a Gunfight


Avoid them like the plague
Be aware of what is going on around you by staying in condition yellow.
Have a plan or two. (If not, a "Last Will & Testament will do.)
Corollary: No plan survives contact with the enemy.
Bring at least one gun (don't bring a knife).
Bring the biggest gun you can handle.
Bring friends (as friendly witnesses or fire support).*
Let close air support or artillery soften-up the target for you.
Make use of available cover.
Remember the difference between concealment and cover.
Don't get shot (Use cover to your advantage).
Place your shots well.
Pay attention to where your shots fall.
"Speed's fine, but accuracy is final."
Don't miss. (You can't miss fast enough to win.)
Never assume your opponent is out of ammo.
Bring lots of ammo.
In combat, you will be scared. You will have a tendency to shoot high. Be aware of this and aim low.
_______________________________________________________________

Rules of drawing

If you're the bad guy, draw & shoot first.
If you're the good guy, draw second and shoot first.
Never turn your back on an armed bad guy, even if he's down.
________________________________________________________________

Rules of wounds

A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If you're bleeding to death, say something witty.
If you're actually dying, say something deep.
_________________________________________________________________

Rules of quitting

Don't quit just because you're hit; GET EVEN!
Never quit, period.
There is no prize for second place.
There's no such thing as "unfair advantage."
He who lives to run away will live to run another day (the best strategy is being somewhere else).
It is better to give than receive (Just like Christmas).
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
If your opponents didn't have the courtesy to
"Count Off!" before beginning, assume that there's one more somewhere.
When the cops pull up, think fast and move slow.
Say nothing afterwards but the Seven Magic Words: "I'd like to speak with my attorney."
Distribute press releases indicating you target belongs to a cult.*
Drop the one with the shotgun first.
Afterward, alter evidence to favor your position and plan for perjury.*
Use cutesy green-and-purple colored weapons and ammo so the press won't show any video of your non-evil-looking equipment. Fuzzy rifle-wrap works best.
Insist on at least $50K from tabloid TV producers.