This is an e-mail from my sister when I sent her one telling about the things that were going unbalened in my life. Just wanted to share. (Un-edited).


Dear Manasik Sthithi Thik Nabhayeko Manchey ( also known as Harakhi ),

I was wondering if you have mental illness but now that you say you don't, I'm convinced you do. He he he..

Last year when I went to get my drivers license, they told me I couldn't get one because I didn't pass the eye exam. I went to an ophthalmologist right away and got glasses. Before the doctor gave me the glasses, he took me outside, gave me the glasses and said 'try this, it will change the way you see the world'. I had no idea what he meant until I actually tried the glasses. I could read the name of the shop across the mall, I could see the fine prints on the poster in the doctor's office, all the lights seemed to be brighter, walls looked like it was freshly painted, I could even see the little dust on the stairs when I was walking down and nothing seemed like a blur anymore. It made me think of how the world I was seeing was different than the world someone with perfect vision was seeing. I had accepted the blur I see thinking that it was what everyone saw and it took glasses to make me realize that I was seeing the world just a little differently than most perfect vision people were. It made me wonder if a painting that I thought looked good looked as good or better or worse to others if I have been seeing things in a bit different shade than they have been.

If just a physical thing as sight makes such a difference in what you see, Can you imagine how much perspective makes a difference in what you see? Or do you realize that what you see depends on how you choose to perceive it. I have come to realize that what you see or what you feel almost completely depends on how you choose to see and feel it or how you choose to react to it.

Take our childhood for example. We grew up between fighting parents, alcoholic grandfather, manipulative grandmother, a father who considered us an investment, relatives who couldn't wait to take advantage of us, rich friends who made us feel smaller. There are some little memories that bother me to infinite extent. I always felt guilty about going to the best school and making Dad pay 6000 per month for me, while at home you ate rice with little tarkari or dal, while you had to embarrassingly go to the shop and ask for one kilo of rice saying you will bring the money later, while I made you walk all the way from kathmandu to save 5 rupees to buy an egg for Ba. When there used to be heavy rains and I would be at school, I would go to the bathroom and cry because I thought our home would blow away while I was staying lavishly in a stable building. Sometimes I think about Ma and it makes me wonder how it must feel to have raised kids, grandkids, done so much for them and at this old age when you really need someone, you have no one with you. I think about Mom and wonder how it must feel to want to eat chicken and not be able to. I think about Dad and wonder how it must have been to do everything you can, try so hard and yet to have it seem like its not working. I wonder what made Ba want to blur the world so much that he got drunk enough to actually blur the world. It makes me wonder why everything is so wrong with our family.

And then I look at us from a different perspective. If you think about it, we are one of the lucky few people in our place, who being girls, got a superb education and are pretty intelligent [ =) remember I told you my IQ test told me I had higher IQ than 99.7 % of the people, and you’ve got the highest result from the day you joined school till today]. We have no serious disability ( except we are both psychos but that is ok), we had a house to live in, a family who cared about us and we never went hungry. In a society where girls weren't thought of as much, Dad tried to give us the best education so we would get a chance to prove ourselves. We had a grandfather we truly cared about us and bought us pineapples every time he came to pick us up when we went to School. We have a grandmother who bought us guaramari, who sincerely prayed for us and who saved us when dad put us in the drum with water. We had a grandfather who is probably the best hearted person I have ever met in my life. We have a grandmother who is so shrewd and clever that even at this old age she manages to live alone and make people do what she wants. We had Mama-Ba who would take us to the hotel to eat once in a while and show us how to use chopsticks. We had Mama-Ma who would always try to send some food or something back for us if we didn't go the nakhtya. We have a mom who was cute enough to play videogame and move her whole body trying to just move that Mario. We have a Dad who had enough sense of humor to take a picture of mom when she was playing videogame. We had parents who cared about each other – Dad who would buy a 150 rupees crème for Mom, Mom who would stay up late ironing Dad's shirt, Dad who took such care of Mom when she had that operation, Mom who tried her best to made adjustments in her life to keep Dad happier. We spend time laughing watching hijo aja ko kura. We called Dad Hero and Mom Heroin. We went out to Sumai and ate momo when we got good results. We had a Dad who polished our shoes and taught us how to make a tie and Mom who ironed our clothes and combed our hairs. We have a Mom we can call Jhomicha, a Dad we can call Had Bahadur and who would call us ullu ke patthey. We had a dad who would pillow fight with us – and ask us our opinion on things like buying land or shares or other things kids our age was rarely asked in Nepal. We have a Dad who was so concerned about our mental status that he rented a room for us to stay at so we wouldn't have to deal with the fightings. We have a dad who now calls us every week just to make sure we are ok ( and says over after every sentence) and a Mom who thinks we haven't called for a month when we just didn't call for one week. We are as lucky as it gets. And yet we barely appreciate it.

From your email, I got the impression that subconsciously you are a little sad or even angry ( even though consciously you wouldn't admit it). And I completely understand why. All I would say is, how you feel, what you see or what you remember depends almost completely on you. It is your life. You live it the way you choose to. You decide how you perceive things. For me, I could choose to remember Dad and Mom fighting at home and be sad or choose to remember us all walking to Bangalamukhi and you and me walking together so we could make Dad and Mom walk together and smile about it. I decide what to remember. I decide how I want to feel. And I decide how I would perceive anything. You were talking about change. Change I think is just looking at something from a different perspective. You start looking at things differently. People think differently and agree or disagree depending on how they perceive a situation. Sometimes there are no right or wrong perspectives, they are just different. A person's point of view is influenced a lot by their past experiences. Dad may look at you calling home and think of it as not the best use of money. We both know Dad had a hard life financially. You may look at calling home as something emotional and not even worry about the money. We all just need to realize that people may view things differently and accept it if people view things differently and not get hurt or angry if they do. Especially with Mom and Dad – you know that whatever they are saying or doing is for our best interest and in no way is meant to hurt us even though they may think of something completely differently than you or I do.

Today I want you to look back at your life and think of all the great things in your life. I want you to accept that your life is not perfect and realize that nothing is ever perfect – We are Human. I really want you to stop thinking about things that make you sad – there no point spending time on making yourself sad. I know you have been through a lot and you have a positive outlook on life for someone who has been through so much, and I want you to continue that positive outlook. And I want you to be glad for everything that happened in your life, cause it makes you who you are. If we were born in lavishly rich family, we may have turned out to be snobbish brats and you wont believe how glad I am that we weren't born in such kind of a family. I am glad I went to Wesleyan because had I gone to Harvard, I may have turned out to be a arrogant elitist looking down on everyone. Every experience, even if you may think of it as not a good experience has consciously or subconsciously taught you something and made that little change in you which makes you YOU. You are who you are because of everything you have been through. Even though you are younger than me, there are a lot of times when I look up to you. You should know that we are proud of who you are and You should be too. So be high, be happy!! Ha ha ha…

WARNING: If you don't do what I say ( You have to do what I say because Im bigger and older and smarter and wiser and everything than you) – well anyway, if you don't do what I say, I'll make Dad sad by buying an air ticket from your place to Nepal, have a reserved taxi waiting for you at the airport and instruct that taxi to take you directly to Patan Mental Hospital. He he he…I may even remember the mental hospital phone number - he he...

" You live it the way you choose to. You decide how you perceive things. For me, I could choose to remember Dad and Mom fighting at home and be sad or choose to remember us all walking to Bangalamukhi and you and me walking together so we could make Dad and Mom walk together and smile about it. I decide what to remember. I decide how I want to feel. And I decide how I would perceive anything."

Very touching and sensible thinking. As they say, the trick is to know what to eat and what to leave on the plate, otherwise you will never eat. If you can't pick what to be happy about, you will always be sad.

Thanks for sharing.

Confusing.. really confusin.

In one instance they're poor with parents fighting all the time and alcoholic grand fatherand another minute they are had a full childhood.

... But don't worry as the letter ends....So be high, be happy!! Ha ha ha…

Nice letter..your sis is wise woman..now .

It is not confusing ..she is talking about ups and down of thier family so.. may be one time they were poor then they were stable again .May be their parents have fought but patched up again..This is life and i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

stoic...still feeln the same?i mean are u even feeln anythin?;oP hehe i mean lookn at ur username..u know wat i mean?;oP hehe

anyways cheers for sharing re kya ;o) hehe

is it just me!or the place here just seems lots sunnier(after i read wat ur sis wrote to u that kinda does relate to all of us?hehe)..yap seems sunnier...tho lookin outside..in fact its actually gettn gloomier!think might rain :oS

and im telln u!that "so be happy, be high Ha Ha Ha" sounds so mental! :o| the laughter that is ;oP hehe...think i might be seeing some of u in Patan Hospital one day!wahahaha so Hi in advance hai!wardies!;oP hehe..watever that is supposed to mean!hehe

good luck there..but then again havin a sis like u have.dun u already feel lucky enuf?;oP hehe...

cheers for sharing again and good day!:oD

Thats Life.

and i really mean , thats life, thats what teaches you the meaning of life - to appreciate life and what you've got, not just what you want-----, not when everything is served to you in a silver paper.

Are you fu(king retarded?

I still remember when my sister made a small black dot in a blank sheet and asked me what I saw. I said I saw a black dot. She told me she saw the wide white sheet. I was too small then to understand what she meant. Still today, I've been seeing the 'black dot' rather than the white sheet. May be I've been used to it, may be I was made used to it. My sister's always been an inspiration for me, she's always been teaching me to look at the brighter side of life, to be happy, she's always encouraging me and always did petty things to make me smile!

It's not that I'm retarded or mentally-sick but it happens that when you're sad, have no-one to talk to, then small things (which would never make you sad while you're happy) makes you feel worst. I just happened to write an e-mail to her when I was not happy. I cried when I read her mail, it was that touching! (huncha ni 'khusi ke anshu' ;) ), and as anonymus said, everything seemed to be brighter and sunnier!

Prem Charo, We were not poor, but we were not Rich either, so like any of the middle class families in Nepal, my parents did fight sometimes, my grandfather was used to drinking( he loved being high eh!?:P ) but this doesn't mean he's not a good person? Things change in life, and so do we. But we indeed had a perfect childhood (at least for us).

Thank You all for reading! :)

P.S. Is Patan mental hospital's number still 521333? :P

Once you come to know that the mind projects beauty and ugliness, that the mind projects good and bad, you stop projecting. Then for the first time you come to know what objective reality is. It is neither good nor bad, it is neither beautiful nor ugly; it simply is. All your interpretations drop with the projections.


i read that long time back, dont know who said it, but that doesnt matter, what matters is , its the truth.

IF you think about the complications of life... life suddenly becomes this complicated narrow path involving 1000s of complicated incidents, and makes you wonder how u are going to live through it all... but if you dont think about it... life is just life, gotta live it!

Your sis certainly has a way with words and she did write a wonderful mail to you. I think everyone can relate to it because.. welll lets face it... everyone goes through fights and some other complicatiobns... some remember the bad part whereas other people like to remember the laughter.. But I was really touched by it... thanks for sharing.... hope you arent sad anymore:D

u r curageous enough to publish this private letter in an open forum.

TARA.................

Didi le thaha payo varne marla hai!

HAHA

Stoic,
Thanks for sharing such an insightful piece of writing from your sister. I can relate a lot of things with your childhood days, probably because of being raised in similar social and economic circumstances. Some of the typical words and events mentioned here made me even more nostalgic.

The gist of this piece is how perspective makes a difference in what you see in life. You can see the same situation from different and contrary points of view. If you compare yourself to highly affluent people, you will find yourself poor. On the other hand, if you think of destitute people, you seem to be rich. Its the same with your state of mind, all the emotions and feelings you come across are the result of your way of thinking. You might look physically unchanged but its your mental state which varies your perception of life.
There are so many hurdles, failures and worries in life but positive thinking and sense of humour are the elements which get you going.

P.S. Phone no. of mental hospital, in my understanding, has changed slightly, it should now be 5521333 :P

I just remembered this Radio Nepal program at 6:00 pm everyday, called "Baal karyakram".

It goes "Ti ti ti ti, ti ti ti ti, Jai Nepal!" ; "Au mera pyara pyara sathi bhai haru, Radio ko najik au." I always wondered why the first sentence was always the same :P. It's fun in childhood hai?

disco__dancer, I guess we have to gather up some courage smtimes in life, especially when it can make people's day sunnier, kaso? ;)

Btw, thank you for updating world_map :)

Stoic, since you have garnered enough courage to decide to make this private letter public, I can almost relate everything to myself. The difference is that you have a sister, I have a brother, you have a Mom that you can love, I lost my Mom 2 months ago. And everything else comes just about the same. Except for that lets change, "drowning in drum" to "beating by brush". I still can't really make up the circumstances surrounding why she had to write a long emotional letter to you like this, but I can guess probably that you guys were going through a bad patch. She has said everything, but let me go even further in saying this to you that, its better to go through a bad patch in life, improve the ground realities in life and look into a better future. I would rather be in whatever the world's worst problem is state, than be in this state. Regards, bro.

Let me put this the way it should be.....

Lot of ppl here needs to get a grasp of reality...

How can you escape your own fate...you can't change your past

whatever load of luggage you've brought in your life is yours....you need to learn from it and use it in the future

Some ppl are luckier than you and some are not as;

for eg. you thought being a Prince was a luckiest kid but look what happened not only to him but his whole family.......

And there are lot of rags to riches stories you've heard in your life i ain't gotta tell you

So, be happy with what you got.....maybe try to add some more......don't waste your time blaming somebody else for what you've lost....it was meant to happen..what can you really do bout it?

The social and economic structure of middle class families in Nepal were pretty much same.....we can all tell the same kind of stories. Pop was a drunk dude, mom was a housewife, grandmother was against your mom's decisions and dad's brainwasher, and the rest of them were audience.....basically, you were a product of broken home.....and that's why most your family sent you to the boarding school to keep you out of the family fued.

NOW, what yu gonna do.....look! you have made it so far and now you still want to blame your past for what you can't acheive now.....and spend time being depressed remembering your past.........

or

you wanna keep going until fullfill your dream.

get it

keep your head up......2pac

What an insightful read....jus thought i'd read this again.

of course, its all in my head :)

LOL!!!<> that's how i flet when i lost my glasses.. I couldn't see anything

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